Love is something so powerful and I am sorry I am not ready for it.
The crossroads. . .
My life is always a crossroad and I am always trying to figure out what road to take. They call me the Gipsy… lol.
I have a lot of love in my life. I love my parents, I love my sister, I love a few ex boyfriends, I love my new and old friends…
I go back in my memories, and I remember my childhood, I miss those days… being a kid with no responsibility.
This life right now It’s hard, but it’s okay… We never want to lose the people we love or care about…
I’ve gone on enough job interviews to understand skills and when I present my skills;
I may not be that experienced in my job field, but well the skill I know most about is Strength.
I continue to build upon strength, through tears, through pain, heartbreak, death, life, love, hard work, through being uniquely myself. I’ve been through a lot in my 24 years of life… but we all have. Haven’t we? we all have different struggles. Thats not what makes me unique or special, my pain doesn’t make me unique, what makes me unique is having the strength to let go of love when I am not ready for it, to say no to drugs, to fighting for what I want the most: “my career” “my job” “my life” this is what I have been working for since I was born and fuck… it hasn’t been easy. I now walk the path that life has set out for me, even if it’s not the path I envisioned for my life.
I constantly think I am lonely, just because I am alone for holidays, or special events, birthdays, thanksgiving, christmas, halloween, you name it… I am terrified of the thought of being alone on these days, reality is I am not alone. These days are like any other days, and just because I can’t physically be with the people I love most, it doesn’t mean I am alone. I think about the friends I’ve made and the people i’ve met… I know I am lucky especially when I think about every single person that helped me (and if you are reading this… you know who you are) Thank you for being there for me when I needed it the most, I shed a tear, a tear of happiness, of being thankful for that person.
My life now revolves on being happy for everyone else, feeling happy for someone else’s happiness and making someone happy even if it’s for a minute or a day through kindness. I know, for myself to get to that point where happiness is me. Well, it’s going to take time and for now it’s okay to cry and let it all out. It’s going to be hard and that’s okay.
Time and patience, and maybe staying where I’m at for a while instead of running away… may get me somewhere one day.
Today, I will just say a little prayer and I will say “today I am blessed.”
I am Thankful for everything I have.
TheLionHeartedGirl 